Lover and Beloved

 

That feeling that you really don’t care about anything else, that you don’t what to do anything else, that you are so absorbed in your creative play that the only thing you want to do is to be even more absorbed in it. You can pretend to care about other things and generally you do care about your house, your dear ones, and other matters, but right now all you really want is to be absorbed and enjoy that absorption.

That absorption, immersed in it, it is not for losing yourself in, it is for finding and for feeling; to be, to relish, to enjoy that feeling of exploration and fascination from your very own unexpected and marvelous movements, that feeling of being alive.

You can only create in the present, right now, it is ever fresh and unfolding, you cannot create yesterday. From this point in time, that which was created yesterday has already been created and by the time it is today, that process is of the past.

That feeling as a creator, not that ego based idea of being artist, but a personal intimate experience, my own experience all by myself, creating and exploring and loving it, oh loving it so much.

 

As a painter,

I get absorbed in color, like a child seeing for the very fist time red, yellow, blue, I melt into the flow of merging one color with the other, the progressive birth of shades and movement of the light reflection in the paint, the texture of the color as I thin it down, mesmerized in my movement in the dialog with the pigment itself. We explore together and play like lovers.

As a sculptor,

As a potter, I get absorbed in the circular movement, my finger on the texture of the clay, my palms embracing in the balanced shape as it manifests, the clay moves, and rises, a dialog with earth and water, mass made into shape made into vessel. We move together, like lovers.

As a dancer,

I get absorbed in the sound and then in the silence, between the sounds, the beat and my our body parts, my fingers spread, my palms open, my feet stretch, my knees bend, my back arches, my head rolls. I do not dance alone, I dance with the music, not alone – together we create, and together we sway, drift, breathe, like lovers.

As a musician,

I am absorbed in the melody, in the accompaniment, in the flow from one note to the next, from one cord to the flowing one, one octave to the flowing, like rain following clouds. I pluck the strings of my harp, my hand move in the air the resonance vibrates. It is a dialog but this time with a partner that I play on, it is fascinating and I want nothing but to dive further and further in to that fascination, that very capturing sequence, to hear it again and again, to see what will happen next, that state of observing and creating and listening and making and in it all I am alive.

Then I go and do some things like washing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom, phone calls and emails I need to attend to, but all I feel is my love, my longing, the pull to go back to that space of inner absorption in that flow.

There in love, I purr like a cat, is that guilt that I feel for being so happy? Funny, the way we can feel overwhelmed by love. I am in love in that process, in love in it, moment to moment.